Self Reflection

Now, you’ve all been wondering why I’m acting like a retard all the time. It’s because of the past I’ve been through for the past 5 years of my life, probably the worst years of my sixteen years of existence. Well I’ve been through a lot, since I was grade four I was teased and bullied by people. My classmates, people around me. Some of my friends wonder why I don’t have many friends in our neighborhood. It’s because they betrayed me long ago when I was still hanging out with them. They would beat me up and force me to buy them food with my own money. So since then I would never go out just to hang with them. I ignore them now even though they call my name. In school, I remember, I was always in a fight with some of my classmates and ends up crying in the end. I pity myself from the past.

Not only that, I also lost someone from the past. She’s one of the people who made a great impact from my life. She was a really good friend of mine. I didn’t want to lose her, but that’s just how life goes. If you got to go, then you need to go. It’s one of life’s hardest events that we need to accept. They’re not coming back even if you want them back so bad. It’s just so sad that we have to go through this. It’s true that from the moment we were born, we already started dying.

I tried to get a new life. I even studied and lived in Batangas for two years. I thought everything would be in plan. Well I was wrong. It wasn’t. It got worst. I eat, play, pray, sleep in the same dorm as these people who tormented me and insulted my whole being. I was left behind alone with no real friends but a few who could really understand why I’m acting like this. Even though I was tormented and insulted, I still had the guts to stand and speak in front of them even though there was so much shame on my name. I gained my respect from them that way. But then, I left Batangas and went back here.

It was a new beginning for me here. I met a woman who comforted me for five months. It was a devastating five months with her. I had fun being with her, but she didn’t. She had to cheat on me in order for me to break up with her. With such experience like that, what am I to show to the world? I know there are a lot of people who undergoes problems that are worst than mine; but how they did it to me at my stage of facing the world. That just brought down my self esteem and courage.

Well when I was third year high school, I really didn’t have problems because I had friends there that taught me how to face the new world I’m going in. The bad part about my stay in that school is my senior year. Most of my classmates discriminate me and my family a lot. One even ruined my graduation. I hated most of them. I hated them all. That’s why whenever I see them, even in a photograph, my heart would rage in anger and vengeance.

So I hope that would explain why I act like a retard in front of everybody, I hope you understand.